Stop keeping score in my life !

Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with the pain and anxiety that I am feeling at time there are no words for what is going on inside me. Being totally in control of things is releasing the anxiety and panic I am feeling at times when things are good, when I am feeling good. But I am misunderstood for this. This angry feeling is poison and its poison's my days. I cannot adequately describe in words my emotional state sometimes its a pressure cooker going to explode, I have feelings of rejection that I am not able to do things anymore.. i am not asked to do them not even asked to see .. given the chance to say no .
I need to see good in my life and stop feeling the self -pity and fast to anger to those I love. Help me to pay attention to the holy spirit with in me, help me to listen and help me to do whats right in my life, to avoid the temptations of the wrong , help me to calm my mind down to and feel the lords love with in me.. The sufferings that I have gone through are for good reason. I hope the sufferings I have had help me to help others going through the same things. I know that now is the time to be humble in myself. I need to stop keeping score in my life ! yes, this is what I will do .. I will do all out of love and will not expect anytime in return. Be humble when things for me get out of control I need to STOP! and remember that I am not in control of my life God is and I need to let him take over let him show me the way. My little girl libby who is 11 years old told me that she is angry at God for making me sick for giving me this disease. It hurts me to think she feels like this .. what do I say to her , how do I tell her that the lord our God is in control of all things and that I trust him. After much thinking.. I told her that its not God fault that I am sick, that I have this disease , that I am sick . He created me yes , but this body is for me to take care of and sometimes the body doesn't work right .. I pray to God for peace and that my suffering ends soon and that he helps me get through it . But I don't blame him for this disease . Yes I am angry but not at God! she looked at me with big eyes .. and said " mama I will pray that God gives your body a break." And right there I decided I needed to stop keeping score in my life of the stupid stuff that is still that gives me stress that puts me in the spinning world of vertigo of this disease..